08 Mar Susan’s Sound Advice #477
Yesterday a friend posted a sad story about a fellow attorney who committed suicide by jumping out of his office window. Self-harm now takes more lives than war, murder, and natural disasters combined. This is a sad commentary on our society, and, although this is not a cheerful subject, I thought I would write my thoughts. There is a difference between suicide and self-harm, and that is “intent”. Basically, a suicidal person sees no other way out and wants to end his or her life. People who are contemplating suicide usually think that this is their way to escape their pain and suffering and to also stop burdening their loved ones. Suicidal acts usually come from a place of hopelessness, depression and worthlessness. There is a big difference between a suicidal person and a person who self-harms. People who self-harm do it as a way of coping with their life. They feel like they are in control and still alive by feeling pain, especially if they are experiencing emotional numbness or disconnection with the outside world. It can also be highly addictive because it can cause a “rush” just like a drug. Suicide is final, and all of us can do our part in possibly preventing a loved one or friend from this final act by reaching out to them. Reaching out means first paying attention and noticing when people are showing signs that they could be at risk, and second, taking the time to let them know we care. Kevin Hines, who miraculously survived a suicide attempt jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge, later recounted that he paced the bridge for an hour, crying, hoping and praying that one person would ask him what was wrong. He said he would have told them everything. In a chilling diary entry, another person who died by suicide left the message that if one person smiled at him on his walk that day, he wouldn’t kill himself. Many times a suicidal person experiences an inner debate; one part of them wants to live and the other part wants to die. The sad thing is that many times the second part wins. My feeling is that when it comes to warning signs, we are always better off over-reacting than under- reacting. Many times, little hints like, “I am no use to you”, “you’re better off without me”, are warning signs. Or. if a person becomes isolated and stops caring about their usual interests, we should take notice. To anyone out there who feels hopeless, please remember that life is always worth living. There is always hope and there is always someone who cares about you. Please reach out and talk about it. Don’t be afraid. Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create that fact.
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